Some anniversaries you'd rather not celebrate...

In just about a week, it will be one year since my sister Dionna passed away, unexpectedly in her sleep.

I miss her everyday. Everyday something reminds me of her and every few days I cry for her. I still carry the her keys in my purse to the apartment she passed away in. I keep the few text messages I have from her. I visit her facebook page EVERYDAY and look at her face. I think of her every time I see the sun shining in my windows. I have a shirt she gave me less than a month before she passed that I will never get rid of and even after having washed it many times after she wore it, it still smells like her. The first holidays and her birthday without her was rough for my family as I'm sure they all will be. My family dynamic has changed forever. Many people tell me she's in a better place ...and I know in my heart she is but there are days that it isn't comforting to me at all because I'd just rather her be here with us. She, like all of us, did not suffer from the burden of perfection. She battled a lot of demons and before she passed she was actually starting to win.


This week is going to be rough for my family. If you have a spare thought or prayer for us, send it this way. I hope that one day we all get to the place that when we think of her, we can smile more than we cry. She was beautiful, she was smart, she was hilarious, she was a hot head...she was also a daughter, a sister and a mother.

A little advice from your dear ole friend...

Drama queens (bad drama), emotional leeches, selfish human beings. They go by many names and are often disguised as adults, friends or family.

It'd do your soul a lot of good to rid your life of the people in it that constantly take from you (emotionally and physically) but never give back. It's hard but it's harder if you don't do it. No matter their role in your life, if they are not part of your support system, they are damaging and therefore unnecessary. I wouldn't go so far to say you have to cut off all ties BUT... you have to do what it takes to no longer allow them to negatively impact your life.

No worries, nothing in particular has happened to me today that prompted this post. I just recently stumbled upon a lot of spare time and so I've been mulling over the happenings of mine and my family's life and conversations I've had with my big sis. As usual, she's right on the money on just about everything.

It's time to start cleaning house kids and I'm not talking about the one you live in!

xoxo BJ

Pretzel Rolls

I found this recipe on Pintrest (my new love) and it's source was http://une-bonne-vie.blogspot.com/2010/08/pretzel-rolls.html

Pretzel Rolls
The Dough
7 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons canola oil ( I substituted with coconut oil, it does not have a coconut taste)
2 teaspoons active dry yeast
1 1/2 cups milk, slightly warmed
1 cup water, slightly warmed

Coarse sea salt for sprinkling

The "Bath"
7 cups water
1 tablespoon salt
4 tablespoons baking soda

In a small container, mix yeast with warmed milk and let rest for 10 minutes.Whisk flour and teaspoon of salt in a large bowl.

Add canola oil and warmed water to yeast mixture. Pour mixture into bowl with flour. Knead in the bowl until dough is very smooth.

Cover the bowl with a dish towel and let rise for one hour.

Punch down dough and knead in bowl for one minute. Cut dough into 15 pieces. Form balls by pulling the dough under. Place on a well-greased surface. Let the dough balls rise for 15 minutes.

While the dough balls are rising, preheat the oven to 400 degrees and get the pretzel "bath" ready. In a large pot, bring water, salt, and baking soda to a rolling boil. Plunge three dough balls into the water and let them "poach" for 1 minute on each side. Using a slotted spoon, transfer them to a well-greased baking sheet.

With a serrated knife, cut 2-3 lines across each roll and sprinkle with coarse sea salt. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes, or until pretzels are a rich brown. These are best eaten the same day they are made.

drum roll please...

xoxo BJ

My Fortress of Solitude...

The bathroom, "little girls room", the loo, the head, the porcelain throne. Call it what you want, it's where I like to catch a peaceful moment.

I use my bathroom time wisely. I multi-task, if you will. I do my business, my primping or hygiene routine and then I hang around in there for a little while longer. I've done it from the time I was a wee little Bobbie Jo. I had an imaginary friend named Penelope and the only place we would have our deep conversations was the bathroom which is where I guess it started. My parents thought I was a nut because I had an imaginary friend. I call it awesome. My sisters were over it because I did hog the bathroom so long with my best friend they couldn't see...

But, I sit and read a book, mess with my hair, examine my face for any new blemishes or just have a seat on the counter top and think.

Sometimes my husband wonders why I take so long in the bathroom. My kids will come and knock at the door, holler my name, stick their fingers under the door, lay on the floor and talk to me through the crack under it and scream at me while I'm showering asking me where their shoes are or letting me know that one of them just hit him. I'm not cooking up some evil plan in there. I just need a moment. Thank you God for a door with a lock.

I love my family, I enjoy my time with them but I need that extra few minutes in the bathroom. Sometimes it's the difference between a good day and a full mental meltdown. I make no apologies for it.

This move hasn't proven to be so "smoove"...

In case you care, we're still in our current house. We haven't had too much interest in it and those that do look at it say it's too small. DUH! That's why WE want out of it too. But I try to remain optimistic. I'm not missing work yet. I think I quit at a good time. I miss my friends but I do not miss the stress. I think, the number of things my family has battled this year has worn on my spirit and I needed this break, even if it's brief. No regrets.

The plan is still to sell this house and build our dream home in the Fort Worth area, it will just not be as soon as we expected. No ground has been broken even though we hoped it would have been by now. It's a daunting thought, carrying two mortgages when you never know if we will have a double dip recession and the result of it if we do. We just need the right buyer and I know that I have to be patient though patience has never been a virtue of mine. We have to stay positive, eye on the prize and all that other such nonsense. I'd ask for some positive vibes and prayer for us to sell soon but it seems selfish when there are so many things going on in this world that are causing people to be homeless. Me and my first world problems, trying to sell this nice small house to build an even nicer, bigger one. waaaaaahhhhhhhh!! ;) At least I have a home! Anyway, that's the update that isn't really much of an update seeing as how not much has changed.

On a semi-related note, we were watching House Hunters yesterday and a couple was trying to buy a house in Korea. I asked Brayden if he wanted to move to Korea and he said... "Do they have bed bugs in Korea?" Kelly (just to console him) said no. He was all... "Ok then let's move to Korea or anywhere that doesn't have bed bugs." The back story to his bed bug obsession is that we were also watching this show called "Infestation" last week when my mom visited. He watched an episode with us where this house was infested with bed bugs. He's been terrified and obsessed every since...

Madea makes a valid point...

"Sorry, reverend, doctor, bishop, preacher lady, whatever your name is...

I don't agree with all of this. I hear what you say about forgiveness.  

You're supposed to forgive. This child is telling what her daddy did.  

Your dad is somewhere living his life and you're on lockdown. You're in jail because of what you did.  

Learn how to take some responsibility for yourself. For your own stuff. 

I can't stand folks wanna be the victim. "This person did this so I'm this way." 

Everybody got a story. Your mama and daddy gave you life. That's all they do. 

No matter how good, how bad the life was... ...it's up to you to make something of it. 

Suck it up and shut the hell up. I don't mess with nobody.

I don't want nobody to mess with me.

 People, all you up in here need to understand something, okay? 

Everybody got a life. What you do with that life is up to you. Stop being the victim. 

That's all I say."

That's our Madea life lesson of the day.  Thank you, who ever you are that decided to run a Madea marathon. It has brought me lots of laughs!!!

Week 2 of School...3 referrals already?!?!

Well,

We didn't even make it a full two weeks and Caleb already has 3 referrals which translates to detentions at this level. After so many referrals, it will step up to more serious consequences. Let's hope it doesn't get that far. They're never for behavioral issues (ok once he was running his trap in the hall during TAKS testing and got one because he just KEPT TALKING after he was warned but that's the only time!!) Anyway, it's always homework/classwork related. He does work but doesn't turn it in, is too busy drawing elaborate ninja fight scenes with his best friend and doesn't do it or he gets confused and overwhelmed and doesn't bother to ask for help and then it's incomplete or late.

He's already been on the verge of getting 3 zeroes. Thank God I communicate with all his teachers up front about his ADHD and make sure they have all my contact information. So far this year they've all be wonderful about responding, giving me heads up and being understanding with him and giving him chances to get it done. I made it clear that they shouldn't be lenient with him all of the time but until he gets back into the routine of school, they're being wonderful about it.

It's the nature of the beast of this learning disability. It's just frustrating because he has so much potential. When he does complete assignments and turns them in on time, he gets great grades (he's not very good at Math, poor thing got his momma's math ability.) But the rest of the grades are really good. I'm hoping that I can use my time at home to help him establish better routines for keeping up with and remembering his assignments. With the help of his teachers and him taking some responsibility, it might be his best year yet after we get over this little bump in the road! We just all need some positive thoughts and prayers for strength to get through it.

Also, I might have to make that threat of going to class with him come to fruition. I've already got my outfit picked out...

What? It's all appropriate uniform colors for Phoenix.

xoxo BJ